How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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