my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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