Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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