Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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