I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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