Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
