just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
