Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
