I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
