I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
