Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
