I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
