somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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