Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
