i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
