how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
