hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
