My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
