Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sober January is a disaster.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
