No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
