Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
