Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
