the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
