i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
