Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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