I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
