where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
