Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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