Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
