ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
