Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
