Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
