roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
