Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
