Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
