Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
