i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
