Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
