dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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