I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
