please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
