I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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