It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
