I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This house was built for laser tag.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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