I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
