you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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