Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
