It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
