I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sober January is a disaster.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
