I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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