I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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