i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
